To the unmarried Young Women's leader

I never viewed going to Young Women’s as a 12-17 year old as an option, it was expected. In my six years, in two states, I had the opportunity to be taught by amazing women. These women came from all walks of life, and all of them shared something valuable with us. A lot of them were moms, which is great. But, I worry that in our effort to make sure that marriage is upheld as a goal, we assume that unmarried sisters aren’t as qualified to be examples to our young women. I had the opportunity to be taught by three single women, an unmarried woman in her early forties, a divorcee, and an unmarried twenty-something, and they were wonderful.

The unmarried woman in her early forties took us, about ten of us, to see The Work and The Glory in the theatre. As an unmarried woman without a family to worry about, she had the time and resources to do extra stuff with us, which made us feel just a little more special. But, more importantly, she was a great example of firm faith and of self-worth. She was confident. She was successful. She loved God.

I worry that the church focuses on marriage so much that women feel that if they don’t get married by a certain age that they are failures, that they don’t have a place in the church. I worry that Mormon girls don’t prepare to support themselves, and often short themselves because they’re too focused on finding a man. I had the great opportunity to be shown in my youth that if I didn’t get married, I was going to be just fine.

I didn’t know that one of my young women’s leaders was divorced for a while, maybe I was just a clueless child. She had children, two daughters and a son, and they went to church. They were active. I am grateful that I grew up in a ward that didn’t shun her for being a divorcee. I’m glad that now, I can look back and remember a great example of putting faith before possible embarrassment or resentment. This leader had such a bold personality, maybe the result of the things she had endured. She was unapologetically herself. She never acted, or let us believe that being a girl was anything short of awesome.

When I was eight one of my friends older sisters put on a Survivor birthday party for him. She fed us raw Brussel sprouts, which we threw up, and my sister ate worms, fun times. Flash forward about seven years and she was the camp director. She really had a knack for being fun, and creative. And looking back, she must have put a lot of time and effort in fulfilling her calling and making it a memorable experience for us. But, as great as all of her crafts and activities were, I really appreciate the testimony she gave us. She told us that as a youth, she couldn’t say that she knew everything that the other girls did, but she did believe it. She believed it, and she hoped it was true. I love that she said this. I love the humility of it, and the possibility for growth this idea has. I still don’t know everything, and a lot of us don’t, but we rely on faith, on hope. We don’t have to have all the answers to be disciples of Christ.

So, to the unmarried Young Women’s leader: Thank you. You have so much to offer.